


Five Times Crowley Unsuccessfully Tempted an Angel and One Time He Succeeded

by michelle323



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 6000 Year Slow Burn, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 15:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19154011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/michelle323/pseuds/michelle323
Summary: It was his job as a demon to tempt people, and it would be the ultimate accomplishment for him if he tempted an angel. He was forming a plan; he was going to tempt Aziraphale.





	Five Times Crowley Unsuccessfully Tempted an Angel and One Time He Succeeded

**Author's Note:**

> The dialogue from the first paragraph is directly from the show.

**Rome 41 AD**

Crowley was sitting at a bar in Rome, ordering a drink. He got the bartenders attention.

“What have you got? Give me a jug of whatever you think is drinkable”

“Jug of brown, two sesterces,” she replied, handing Crowley his drink.

Aziraphale approached Crowley from across the bar.

“Crawley – Crowley?” Aziraphale corrected himself. “Well… fancy running into you here. Still a demon, then?” Crowley turned towards him and gave him a Look.

“What kind of stupid question is that, _Still a demon?_ What else am I going to be, an aardvark?” Crowley turned back to his drink, but Aziraphale held his up.

“Salutaria.” Aziraphale said. Crowley turned to clink his glass with Aziraphale’s.

“In Rome long?” Aziraphale asked.

“Just nipped in for a quick temptation. You?”

“I thought I’d try Petronius’ new restaurant. I hear he does remarkable things to oysters.”

I’ve never eaten an oyster.”

“Oh, well let me tempt you to-” Aziraphale stopped midsentence after Crowley turned and smirked at him. “No, that’s – that’s your job isn’t it?” Crowley just continued smirking and took a sip from his drink.

Crowley sat there, thinking for a moment, about how funny it was that Aziraphale wanted to _tempt_ him. Now that he thought about it, he should be the one trying to tempt Aziraphale. It was his job as a demon to tempt people, and it would be the ultimate accomplishment for him if he tempted an _angel_. Once Aziraphale went on his way to Petronius’ restaurant, Crowley started plotting. He was forming a plan; he’s going to tempt an angel.

After leaving the bar, Crowley thought about how he was going to tempt Aziraphale. He thought about each of the seven deadly sins, and which would be easiest. Gluttony would be the obvious choice, but since Aziraphale already enjoys eating, tempting him into eating wouldn’t really _count_. It would have to be something new, something sinful that Aziraphale hadn’t done before. Well, he still had six other sins to work with, one of them should be able to tempt Aziraphale.

 

 

* * *

 

**London 1601**

Aziraphale agreed to meet Crowley in London after he returned from his trip to Scotland. Crowley was waiting in a pub Aziraphale recommended. Aziraphale walked in, with the gait one could only get from spending far too long riding a horse. He looked miserable, but brightened up slightly once he spotted Crowley, and walked over.

“Ah, there you are, Crowley. How did Hamlet go?”

“There was a full house, William was quite shocked,” he said, grinning.  “How was Scotland?”

“Oh, no fun at all. I got all the miracles done easily enough, and I – “ he lowered his voice to a whisper, as if expecting an angel to be listening in, “did the other… _thing_ , too.”

“Well, that sounds like everything went well. So why so gloomy?”

“I just rode a horse all the way from Scotland, so I apologize if I’m a little gloomy,” Aziraphale huffed. Crowley smiled slightly, realizing what a great opportunity he had. He had mostly forgotten about his idea about tempting Aziraphale back in Rome (they only rarely ran into each other back then), but he had been thinking about it recently and decided he needed to start actually trying to tempt the angel.

“You know what always cheers me up after a long trip. A nap!” Crowley looked at Aziraphale, hoping he would be interested.

“You sleep, Crowley? But… certainly you don’t _need_ to.”

“And you don’t _need_ to eat either, Angel, and yet…” he gestured towards the slice of almond and currant cake Aziraphale was currently eating. Crowley thought to himself that if the angel was capable of tempting himself into some gluttony, it should be pretty easy to tempt him into sloth.

“Well, that’s different!”

“How is it different?”

“Eating is… quite enjoyable, and it helps to blend in with the humans. Sleeping, however, just seems like the sort of thing the humans do out of necessity, not out of enjoyment.”

“Oh no, sleeping is very enjoyable. It’s the best way to relax. I especially love to sleep after travelling, it’s just so refreshing.” Crowley gazed at Aziraphale, trying to look genuine, as if he had no ulterior motives to keep insisting that sleep was truly a remarkable thing to do.

“No, best not. It is simply not what angels do!”

Crowley tried not to sulk as he took another sip of his ale. His first attempt at tempting an angel had failed.

 

 

* * *

 

**Brighton 1932**

Crowley walked into the Star of Brunswick pub, hoping to do some tempting. Then he spotted Aziraphale sitting by himself, having a glass of wine. Crowley stopped in his tracks, a grin spreading across his face, as he realized Aziraphale counted as a far more important temptation than what he was originally planning to do. Crowley quickly hid himself behind a tall potted plant, so that Aziraphale would not spot him. He figured a pub would be the perfect spot to try to tempt Aziraphale with some lust.

Crowley noticed a very attractive young lady who just walked into the pub. He walked up to her, trying to look as non-suspicious as possible.

“Hello, you see that man sitting over there by himself?”

“The one in the tan coat?”

“Yes, that’s him! See, he’s painfully shy, so he won’t start talking to anyone on his own…” he trailed off, hoping she would fill in the blank. She nodded, seeming a little wary, and walked over to Aziraphale.

Crowley watched as she talked to Aziraphale. He couldn’t hear what they were saying from his hiding spot, but he could tell she was flirting with him. She just put her hand on his shoulder! For just a moment, Crowley had the strong desire to walk over there, remove her hand, and drape his own arm over his friend’s shoulders. He buried that feeling down, reminding himself of his Mission. However, when he looked back over, Aziraphale just politely smiled at her, said something Crowley couldn’t hear, and then she walked away. Well that clearly didn’t work, Crowley thought. He frowned, thinking about what to do next. Then he remembered where he was; Brighton. Specifically, the Star of Brunswick pub, and if Aziraphale is here, then maybe sending a young woman over was the wrong move.

Eventually, Crowley saw an attractive young man walk in the pub by himself. Crowley approached him and asked him to go flirt with Aziraphale. The young man nodded and walked towards Aziraphale.

Crowley watched as the young man was very obviously flirting with Aziraphale. Crowley’s heart stopped as the young man put his hand on Aziraphale’s thigh. He panicked for a moment, but also looked on expectantly, hoping to see Aziraphale thoroughly tempted. But just like before, Aziraphale talked for a moment, not reacting to the hand on his thigh. Aziraphale finished the rest of his glass and stood up, the young man’s hand dropped to his side. Aziraphale walked towards the entrance of the pub.

“Crowley, fancy meeting you here! What brings you to Brighton?” Crowley straightened up from where he was crouching behind the plant, looking flustered for just a second before putting a cool expression on his face.

“Oh, just stopped by for a quick tempting. You?”

“Brighton is just lovely this time of year! I love the seaside. Plus, the people here are so friendly!” Crowley just stood there, dumbfounded for a second, as he realized Aziraphale probably didn’t even realize those two were flirting with him. Aziraphale looked at him for a moment, “Say, what were you doing behind that plant?”

“Uh, well, I was thinking about… getting some houseplants for my flat. I wanted to get a look at this one, just getting ideas, you know?” Crowley hoped that excuse sounded plausible.

“Ooh, houseplants sound lovely. They would really liven up your flat! Well, I’ll be on my way. Enjoy your,” Aziraphale scrunched up his nose, “ _tempting._ See you around!” Aziraphale walked out of the pub, leaving Crowley still standing next to the plant. Now that he thought about it, houseplants did sound nice. Maybe he should actually get some for his flat.

 

 

* * *

 

**Woodstock 1969**

Crowley wandered the crowd at Woodstock. There was certainly a lot of tempting that could happen here, or at the very least, a lot of things the humans did on their own that Crowley could claim as his doing in the paperwork he sent in. In the distance, he spotted Aziraphale, also walking through the crowd. Crowley was surprised seeing Aziraphale here, of all places. It didn’t really seem like his scene. Crowley sauntered over to him.

“Hey Angel, didn’t expect to see you here.”

“This whole event is dedicated to peace, so I figured I should see what it’s about. Although, I can’t say I’m enjoying this _music_.” He scrunched up his nose, as if offended that music dared to change in the past hundred years.  Crowley chuckled and Aziraphale huffed. “Well, I suppose _you’re_ here to do your usual tempting?”

“To be honest, they seem to be doing plenty of tempting all on their own.”

“You’re certainly right about that.” Aziraphale looked around at all of the young people around them. Many of them were openly doing drugs and getting rather… intimate. “Look at all of them, doing drugs. That’s very bad for their health!”

“Well, can you blame them? It certainly feels good, wouldn’t you say?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Aziraphale snapped back. Crowley grinned as an idea formed. He miracled a small bag of weed into his pocket.

“You really haven’t tried? Oh, come on, Angel, it can’t hurt,” he said, as he pulled the bag of weed out of his pocket. Aziraphale gasped, scandalized.

“How could you even suggest such a thing? It’s dangerous you know!”

“Not for us. Come on, just try it. It’s just like with food, and you liked that! Plus, it’s natural.”

“Absolutely not. Out of the question!” Aziraphale huffed and stormed off. Crowley shoved the bag at a random person walking by, unsurprised that Aziraphale refused. At least he gave it a shot. He tried not to mope too much and enjoy the festival.

 

 

* * *

 

**London 1985**

Crowley had been thinking about his plan to tempt Aziraphale. He’d thought over all of his previous attempts and how they all failed. Thinking back, he should try lust again, maybe those two at the pub just weren’t flirty enough. And you know what they say, if you want a job done right, you should do it yourself. This will require careful planning; he has to make sure he does this perfectly. If he’s too obvious, Aziraphale will know he’s up to something. He has to be subtle. Plus, in order for it to be considered a proper tempting, Crowley can’t make this first move, Aziraphale has to initiate or think impure thoughts or whatever (also, if Crowley was being perfectly honest with himself, he hoped Aziraphale does initiate something, he wonders what those lips would taste like…). Crowley snaps himself out of that train of thought; he needs to focus on his Mission.

He dropped by Aziraphale’s shop with a bottle of wine. He also just so happened to be wearing a _very_ well-fitted black suit. His pants were so skin-tight, it would take a miracle to even get them on (and in fact, it did take a miracle). He swaggered into Aziraphale’s shop, his hips swaying even more than in his usual saunter. He had hoped Aziraphale would notice his suit, but Aziraphale seemed completely unaffected. Crowley supposed he usually dressed fairly well, if he did say so himself, so Aziraphale was probably be used to it. He’d have to go out of his way, still without Aziraphale catching on.

Crowley uncorked the bottle of wine as Aziraphale sat on the couch. Then, Crowley “accidentally” dropped the cork on the floor. He set the bottle of wine on the table and slowly bent over to pick up the cork. He made sure his ass was facing in Aziraphale’s direction and made a show of fumbling the cork. He wiggled his hips slightly as he tried to grab the cork, then once he grabbed it, he spun around as he stood up to face Aziraphale. Crowley tried not to let his face fall when he found Aziraphale had picked up a book and had started reading. Crowley went back to pouring two glasses of wine. When he handed the glass to Aziraphale, he made sure to let their fingers brush in the process.

“Thank you, dear,” Aziraphale said, seeming not to react at all. Which isn’t very fair, Crowley thought, since brushing his fingers against Aziraphale’s sent a jolt of electricity down his spine. How come Aziraphale doesn’t have to deal with that?

After they’ve been talking for a while, Crowley made another attempt, deciding to get a little bolder. Crowley casually took his sunglasses off, hoping Aziraphale wouldn’t be too put off by his demon eyes. Then, he grabbed his wine glass, looked directly into Aziraphale’s eyes and without breaking eye contact, he dragged his wine glass along his bottom lip before flickering his tongue into his wine glass.

Aziraphale seemed surprised for just a moment. “Is that a new style of wine tasting?” he simply asked.  Crowley tried not to visibly show his disappointment.

“Um, yeah, it’s the latest trend in, uh, Italy,” he said, glumly. Aziraphale demurely dipped his own tongue into his wine.

“Personally, I think I prefer more traditional wine tasting methods.”

Crowley decided he must move onto the next phase of his plan. He waited until Aziraphale was looking at him, then he shimmied his suit jacket off his shoulders, allowing it to pool around his waist. Then he slid the jacket the rest of the way off, revealing a skin-tight black shirt with a v-neck. Once the jacket was off, he glanced over at Aziraphale, but he seemed completely uninterested. Crowley knew he looked damn good in this shirt! How could he still appear so unaffected?

Crowley yawned, stretching his arms up in the air dramatically, allowing his shirt to ride up, revealing a strip of skin. Again, Crowley glanced over at Aziraphale and found him looking only at his face, and not his waist. Crowley let his arms drop back down; again, hiding his disappointment. Perhaps he was still being too subtle? He needed to up the ante; Crowley was determined for this to work.

Aziraphale offered him a slice of angel food cake (of course he would, Crowley thought). Crowley dramatically took a piece of cake onto his fork and loudly let out a moan as he put it in his mouth.

“Damn, that’s good!” Crowley said, overselling how much he was enjoying the cake by quite a lot. Aziraphale actually seemed flustered for just a moment, but quickly recovered.

“The last time I served this cake, you seemed rather indifferent to it.”

“This must be a different recipe because _this_ cake is amazing,” Crowley said stubbornly.

“Well, I’m glad you enjoy it,” Aziraphale said as he took a bite out of the cake himself. He would never admit it to Crowley, but Aziraphale secretly enjoyed devil’s food cake much more than angel food cake. Once Crowley finished his slice of cake, he made a big show of licking all of the crumbs off from around his mouth, while staring directly into Aziraphale’s eyes, but Aziraphale didn’t seem to be paying attention.

Defeated, Crowley grabbed his jacket, said goodnight, and quickly went out to the Bentley. He got into his car in a huff, disappointed his plan didn’t work. _What plan_ , says the voice in the back of his head, _the plan to “tempt” an angel or the plan to get Aziraphale into bed with you?_ Crowley didn’t let that train of thought continue, asserting to himself that he was solely doing all of that to tempt Aziraphale into thinking impure thoughts, but apparently the angel’s too _bloody_ good for that. He drove off down the street, back to his flat. He put on some music, maybe some Vivaldi would cheer him up, but the first song that came on was “Somebody to Love” which just made Crowley feel worse.

 

After Crowley left, Aziraphale let out a sigh of relief. Unbeknownst to Crowley, Aziraphale was acutely aware of all of Crowley’s antics, but he didn’t realize Crowley was doing them on purpose. Aziraphale had his eyes glued to Crowley from the moment he walked in with that tight suit. Unfortunately for Crowley, Aziraphale has an amazing poker face when it came to Crowley, so he hid his reaction very well.

 

* * *

 

**London 1989**

Crowley was going on a walk through St. James’ Park with Aziraphale. Crowley remembered all of his failed attempts at tempting Aziraphale over the past nearly 400 years. In a last-ditch effort to try and tempt Aziraphale, he willed a 10 pound note onto the ground in front of them, on the side of the path closer to Aziraphale.

Aziraphale spotted it and bent down to pick it up. Crowley was shocked; after all these centuries he didn’t think it would be this easy to tempt Aziraphale into greed. But that momentary surprise faded as Aziraphale rushed up to the man walking in front of them to return the note. The man took it, assuming he must have dropped it, and Aziraphale continued walking with Crowley.

That was a truly pathetic attempt at tempting Aziraphale, Crowley thought. Ever since his last failed attempt, his heart really hadn’t been in it. After this, he decided to give up on his centuries old quest to tempt Aziraphale. Clearly, it has not worked.

 

 

* * *

 

**London 2 weeks after the non-Apocalypse**

Crowley decided to pop into Aziraphale’s shop. The sign said it’s closed, but Crowley knew Aziraphale was in there. He knocked on the door.

“We’re closed,” came a muffled shout from the back.

“It’s just me,” he said back before he miracled the door open and let himself in. Aziraphale smiled.

“Good to see you, Crowley. How have you been?”

“I’m still just happy the world didn’t end. And that we’re not dead.”

“Oh yes, I keep thinking the exact thing myself. What’s that you’re holding?”

“Oh, this?” He held up the book. “I found this in a little shop I was passing through, thought you might like it.” He handed the book over to Aziraphale. It wasn’t a fancy first edition, which is the sort of book Aziraphale usually collected. This was a recent book, comparing prophecies across multiple cultures. Crowley saw it in a little shop and figured it’d be something Aziraphale might like.

Aziraphale took the book in his hands and looked completely shocked. He stared at it, thinking about how he had been meaning to read this exact book, Crowley knew him so well!

While Aziraphale continued to just stare at the book, Crowley started to get a little nervous, and began to bite his lip. What if he doesn’t like it? Was it stupid to get him this book?

“This is so thoughtful, Crowley, thank you, I really appreciate it. This book looks so fascinating, I’m so grateful,” Aziraphale finally said before Crowley’s thoughts spiraled too far out of control. Crowley sighed in relief. Aziraphale set the book on the table and wrapped Crowley in a hug. Crowley stiffened for a moment before relaxing into the hug.

Aziraphale pulled back from the hug, but then he leaned in and gently kissed Crowley. Aziraphale broke the kiss after a short moment.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. Your lips just looked too tempting.” Crowley grinned, partly because he finally managed to “tempt” Aziraphale after all these centuries, this time without even trying. He was also grinning because Aziraphale just kissed him!

“Don’t apologize, just kiss me again,” he practically whispered. He snaked one hand around Aziraphale’s waist, the other in his hair and pulled Aziraphale up against him, causing Aziraphale let out a quiet gasp. Crowley closed the distance between them and kissed his angel. He’d been wanting to do that for centuries and in this perfect moment it was finally happening.

**Author's Note:**

> Note: I tried to be historically accurate, but I’m sure there were parts where I wasn’t. But, I did do a little research to find a genuine 17th century dessert for Aziraphale to eat. Here’s the recipe, in case anyone is interested:http://www.godecookery.com/engrec/engrec67.html
> 
> Gay history of Brighton: http://www.brightonourstory.co.uk/brighton-s-history/a-history-of-lesbian-and-gay-brighton-chapter-2-an-underground-world-1900-67/  
> (I actually studied abroad in Brighton for a semester, it’s lovely!)


End file.
